


ostriches are birds too

by jagzii



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Feels, Insecure Lance (Voltron), M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-10-21 15:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17645132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jagzii/pseuds/jagzii
Summary: Lance has been running on fumes, his mind an absolute mess. Follow him as he slowly realises the importance of being honest, not only with his team, but with himself. For the sake of the universe, and for his own sanity as well.





	1. Chapter 1

Lance _knew_ he wasn’t the best pilot out there. He _knew_ that the only reason he had even been bumped up to the main piloting programme back at Galaxy Garrison was because the best pilot of their generation had, for mysterious reasons, decided to screw up his own chances and gotten himself thrown out.

 

He had been reminded of that fact on multiple occasions by his superior officers, by his own classmates, but most importantly by himself because no matter how much you believe in yourself or how much you dream, the facts don’t magically change, and reality doesn’t alter itself to suit your fantasies.

 

And now he was reminded of his failures, his incompetence, exactly how lacking he was on a daily basis. When Keith, the same boy who had broken all the simulation records, who had been on track to be the youngest ever pilot to beat the ‘kezzlar run’ was now fighting beside him as a paladin of Voltron. And he was a natural, as expected.

 

Every manoeuvre on Red was slick and fast, Keith zooming in tacking out slews of enemy ships with every swipe and flitting out of range before they could even set their sights on him. And just like his enemies, every successful flawless pass, slowly chipped away at Lance’s fledgling confidence in his own skills.

 

He knew it wasn’t Keith’s fault, heck Keith probably didn’t even think of him while fighting, or even after the battles were over. The only thing the red paladin really seemed interested was in training, apart from that he rarely engaged in conversation. And in all likelihood if the boy did want to engage with someone, Lance would be the least likely candidate.

 

And he wasn’t the only one either, Pidge and Hunk were great friends, but even _they_ didn’t seem to be able to stand him at times. Preferring to spend time with each other, discussing mechanics and new tech. Bouncing ideas off each other, both exceptionally bright. He just didn’t fit into that equation completely either, and god knew that Shiro and Allura could manage without him.

 

In short, Lance knew he was just the seventh wheel, the expendable one. The others had their role, they had the skills needed to be good paladins, to save the universe. Which is why when the team decided to confront him after they returned to the Castle of Lions, he couldn’t find it in him to even bother defending himself.

 

“ What was that Lance?” The silver haired princess practically gritted out, as she stormed across the room to stand in front of me.

 

“ You’re going to have to be more specific Princess. What exactly are you referring to?”

 

She opens her mouth to respond only to suddenly be cut off by a very pissed off Keith “ You were distracted Lance, and don’t even bother trying to deny it. Because of _you_ Pidge,” he said pointing to the green paladin who was leaning against one of the pillars looking lightly miffed at the prospect of being blasted, “almost got blasted, and Hunk _did_ get hit. The only reason it didn’t cause that much damage was because of Yellow's thicker armour. So answer Allura, what exactly was that?”

They were right. Of course they were.He had been out of it all through the mission, too caught up his own thoughts to properly pay attention to what was going on around him, almost jeopardising the entire operation. What was he doing? He was the seventh wheel the least he could do was not be a burden, and he couldn’t even do that properly.

 

“I don’t know. Sorry guys. Got a bit distracted while the whole thing was playing out.” He acknowledged, hoping that they would just leave it for now. Please lets just move on for today he prayed, please…

 

But of course that would be too easy, which is why when Shiro spoke up Lance barely kept himself from slumping, from allowing his fraying nerves from showing. “ Lance” the black paladin said sternly, albeit more gently than the previous two, “ the fate of the universe rests on our shoulders, we can’t afford to be distracted, we can’t afford to make mistakes when the costs are so high. Remember that.”

 

With that final statement the meeting comes to an end, and it takes all of Lance’s self control to walk out of the room with some measure of dignity and confidence, to walk down the hallways to his room, and bid the rest of the team good night without showing the cracks which were surely starting to mar his facade, until he finally steps into the confines of hisroom, where enveloped by the darkness, he finally lets go. Almost immediately the tears he had been holding back slip down his face, rapid and hot, and the panic he had been keeping at bay rises up, practically choking him as he fights for breath.

 

Why couldn’t he do anything right? Why couldn’t he just do the one job he had? What kind of useless paladin was he? Why did Blue even choose him? Would she leave him if he didn’t perform? Would the rest of the team replace him? Off course they would…. He’s replaceable… have to work harder… heck, at least don’t be a liability… liability…. Dead weight…

 

And somewhere in the middle of this never ending spiral Lance finally cried himself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Back on earth, waking up in the morning had always seemed like the biggest task for Lance and his mornings had usually consisted of some kind soul- his mother back home, and Hunk when they were at the garrison- shaking him violently, but with love, until he finally decided to open his eyes. Now however, Lance found himself waking up earlier and earlier, unable to truly sleep through the night anymore, his mind constantly filling his dreams with the most poisonous images, perverting every fantasy, until he found himself physically lurching out of bed in his hurry to get away from his own twisted thoughts.

 

And so off course, even after the absolutely shitty day he had just had, Lance found himself awake a mere three hours later, his eyes puffy and red from all the crying he’d done the previous night, not to mention sunken from the lack of a proper nights rest. But he not only  looked like an absolute train wreck, he felt just as bad, his head pounding with an intense headache.

 

“Ughhh.. why..?’ He couldn’t help but groan, clutching his head as he slowly made his way to the washroom, stripping of his filthy armour which he had ended up sleeping in last night.. gross.

 

Standing under the steaming water his muscles began to relax, and his mind finally began to dispel some of the darkness that had built up over yesterday. Water had always had a way of calming Lance. Back home he was known for often disappearing for hours on end after a stressful day only to be found at the beach, sometimes swimming, sometimes simply staring, watching as the waves, rose and crashed onto the beach, watching as they claimed the old and undiscovered treasures on the beach, but always bringing new wonders with them for the curious to find.

 

And it was these memories of his home, of earth that played in his mind as he stood alone in that shower stall, the hot water replicating for those brief moments the warmth he so craved , briefly chasing away his loneliness. And so he stood there, for a good long while, only when he realised that his entire body now seemed to resemble a very, very dehydrated raisin, did he decide to finally exit the comforting cocoon of warmth and get dressed to face another day.

 

——

 

They were out on another mission, the Galra fleet had been spotted near Ziont a peaceful planet, whose residents were renowned for their teachings on non- violence as a means of conflict resolution. Unfortunately for them, their techniques of resistance seemed to be absolutely wasted on the Galra, who saw their unwillingness to go to arms merely as a sign of weakness, easy pickings. The Galra had clearly never learnt about Gandhi, but whatever.

 

The Zionteans had somehow managed to send a distress signal out, which is why we were now facing a veritable cloud of drones flying blocking our path as two main command ships trained their beams towards the planet ready for assault.

 

‘Okay team, we’re going to have to work fast on this one’ Shiro’s voice filters in through the comms. ‘ Hunk, use Yellow to blast a path through the drones on the right, Pidge and Lance you do the same on the left. Once you’ve done that, Keith and I will launch an attack on the main ships, once we disable the ion cannons everyone join in the fray and take them down. Clear?’

 

‘ Yeah!’

‘ Okay.’

‘ Let’s go kick some Galra butt!’

‘ Roger, Shiro’

 

‘ Good. Then let's go do our job shall we.’ And with that we went flying.

 

Flying into battle was always exhilarating, being able to manoeuvre smoothly around enemy ships following each successful pass with an ice blast and watching as the enemy numbers dwindle slowly but surely, always left Lance with a high, the adrenaline pumping through his veins making everything around him come into focus, his bond with Blue allowing him to move effortlessly through the maze of the hostile combatants. The weird funk that had been effecting his performance the past few days seemed to have finally dissipated, and he was doing great, cleaving through the drones along with Pidge in a matter of minutes, only to have Red zoom through the cleared passageway, barreling past us straight towards the ion cannon on the left most ship.

 

Which was great... it was part of the plan...

 

You know what wasn't part of the plan?  The second ship swiftly positioning itself to fire..

 

Straight at Keith.

 


	3. Chapter 3

He was going too fast, too focused on his task to notice the giant cannon poised to blast Red as he prepared to slash through the base of the ion cannon of his target with his jaw blade. Which was precisely why Lance found himself speeding behind the reckless idiot, with Pidge yelling at him to slow down, to come back. But like hell was going to do any of those things, instead urging Blue to hurry, to speed up long enough for him to catch up, and she, being the awesome lion that she was, obliged, giving him the few extra seconds he needed to practically ram into Red, pushing Keith out of the way just as the Galra fired the cannon. Thankfully, Lance had been moving with enough speed that the impact of his little ‘accident’ with Keith had not only saved Keith but also propelled him out of the blast zone too. Which meant that the Galra had effectively ended up firing at their own ship…

 

And as the ship in front of them exploded, Shiro and Hunk made quick work off the second one, and it was over.

 

‘Well…. That was quick’ Lance quipped. But of course, of course no one would play along, with him about their success, because instead of joking with him or laughing with him, all he heard was a cold ‘ Lance, why didn’t you follow the plan?’

 

‘ What..’ He couldn’t help but blurt out in disbelief.

 

‘ Dude, we had a plan, Keith was supposed to take out that cannon. What were you thinking zooming in after him, and then ramming into him like a battle ram.’ Said Hunk, ‘ Yeah man’ continued Pidge ‘We know you’re big on proving your piloting chops, but dude, your personal ambition can’t jeopardise…’

 

That was when he shut off his comms and covered his ears for good measure. That was it… he couldn’t bear to hear more.

 

Is that really what they all thought of him? Is that how they saw him? Allura, Coran, Shiro, Pidge, even Hunk his best friend..? Someone so desperate to prove his worth that he would throw everyone in the way of danger, that he would subvert entire plans simply to satisfy his own petty ambitions..? Is that…. And suddenly he couldn’t breathe again..

it was too much..

it hurt too much…

he couldn’t…

He..

 

\---

‘Lance’

 

He thought he heard someone call his name but why would anyone want to speak to him… why would anyone bother with him at all

 

‘Lance’

 

‘LANCE’

Keith, it was Keith, he was yelling his name, right next to his ears, but that shouldn’t be possible, not only had Lance switched his comms off, but he was in Blue. He opened his eyes in confusion, only to find himself face to face with the other boy, his violet eyes wide as he took in Lance’s disheveled and honestly, completely messed up state.

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of them were supposed to see this side of him. He was supposed to be fine, normal, never thinking twice about what they said, never being down for longer than necessary. He was supposed to be laid back, constantly cracking jokes, flirting incessantly with all those he encountered with no care for whether his affections were actually reciprocated…. What he wasn’t supposed to be was on the floor, clutching his sides, as if trying to keep himself from shattering by sheer will alone. He most definitely was not supposed to have tear tracks down his face, when he had cried out of sheer desperation due to his inability to draw steady breaths… he wasn’t supposed to let the mask of normality slip…. Even though thats all it had been, for a very long time, just a mask and beautiful performance. But from Keith’s shocked expression, he wasn’t about to get his - in his opinion- well deserved standing ovation for it.

 

It just wasn’t fair.

 

‘ Lance.’ Keiths soft voice broke through my thoughts again, and he felt a pair of callused hands, as they slowly wrapped around his own, prying them away from his sides and laying them down gently next to me, as he continued, ‘ What happened?’

 

‘ I’m fine, just fine. Guess almost getting blasted by that giant cannon finally managed to scare some sense into me.’ Lance tried for a chuckle, which fell painfully flat, and guessing from Keith’s expression had done little but convince the other boy that he was, in fact, not okay, far from it. Which is why, with a sigh he threw the other boy a bone ‘ Okay, I’m lying. I’m not doing so great, but I have no intention of talking about it, with anyone, least of all you. Got it?’ hoping that Keith would take what he had given and not push the matter further. Those few minutes where he sat there waiting, watching as the other boy debated against himself seemed to stretch on forever, until Keith suddenly got up and looking back at Lance, who was still sitting on the floor, his entire body radiating tension, simply nodded his assent.

 

Lance felt his entire body sag with relief, he had bought himself some time. Probably not a-lot, because he knew, that if Keith ever felt that his behaviour today could jeopardise the team he would not, for a second, hesitate to approach Shiro and the others, but enough to figure out what to do. And as fear and apprehension that had been clouding his mind, cleared somewhat he suddenly remembered the comms and the fact that they were still, in fact, in space.. so how exactly had Keith ended up in his lion?

 

But before he could open his mouth to launch an interrogation of his own, Shiro’s voice crackled through his comms ‘ Keith, Lance, are the comms working now?’

 

Huh? What was he… ‘ Yeah Shiro, Lance and I managed to figure out what was wrong. Blue’s power seems to have significantly depleted after the blast , hence the little problem with communication.’ Keith replied smoothly.

 

‘ Okay. Good job guys. Lance?’

 

‘ Yeah Shiro, I’m right here.’

 

‘ Just make sure to have Pidge take a look atBlue once we return to the Castle.’ There was a brief moment of silence, and Lance thought the conversation was over when suddenly he heard a soft ‘and don’t scare us like that again. Okay?’ Shiro’s voice sounded soft and genuine, as if he, as if they, all really cared…

 

‘ .. yeah.. yeah definitely’ is all Lance manages to choke out in response, before collapsing in a heap onto his chair, his head cushioned on his arms. Forgetting, in his exhaustion, that Keith was still there, watching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying reading!! honestly, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to make the plot move but lets see!!! Thank you for your Kudos and Comments, it feels both weird and awesome at the same time to know that people are actually reading something im writing... if that makes any sense?!


	4. Chapter 4

Keith’s POV

 

Lance looked like absolute shit. They had landed back at the Castle of Lions barely an hour ago, and under the bright blue lighting of the giant ship, the blue paladin, who had on numerous occasions pissed Keith off simply by virtue of looking impeccable even after the most gruelling battles. Seriously how was that even possible? Keith would be the first to admit, albeit grudgingly, that he always looked like he had been put through the wringer when he stepped out of Red and finally took his helmet off.

 

But, not today. Today Lance looked… he looked like a corpse. His deep blue eyes, which always seemed to glow with mirth and mischief, looked dull like unpolished glass. His goddamn mouth which, when not constantly in motion, (because god knew that boy loved to talk) always had an upward tilt as if waiting to bust out a smile, was uncharacteristically pinched, foreign frown lines gracing his face. Heck his very skin, his tan skin, which radiated warmth, looked pale and sickly. The boy, who had, at least to Keith, seemed to glow, to diffuse good humour and happiness to those around him now looked haunted and …. Broken. He hated it.

 

Keith didn’t however get much time to dwell on the events of the day, until after the debriefing which, Allura thankfully kept short, picking up on the tension and exhaustion which seemed to be evident on everyones faces.

 

Trudging back to his room, Keith’s mind couldn’t help but wander back to Lance, specifically what he had witnessed in Blue; Lance curled in on himself, his eyes screwed shut, as he struggled to breathe evenly. At the time Keith had been panicking. Lance had completely stopped responding, and the others were too busy ripping into him, his failure to follow the plan (the stupid plan) to even notice when the other boy went uncharacteristically silent on the other end.

 

He had been taken aback by the, almost venomous way the others had attacked the blue paladin for ramming into him. Sure, it had been slightly painful, and being flung across space like a rag doll was never the most comfortable thing, but to accuse Lance of rushing in for guts and glory… that just didn’t sit well with him.

 

Now, Keith made no claims about being an expert on all things Lance, but he had spent way too much time observing the other boy, more than he would like to admit, even to himself. He had seen him wait till the last possible minute to turn for the wormhole when Hunk had gotten caught in Galra fire, making sure that his friend made it through before him, he had seen him wrestle with Pidge- which is way more terrifying than you think it is- in order to force her to go to bed and rest. And the image of that boy, who tries so hard to show, in his own little ways, that he’s there, and that he cares, just doesn’t fit with their depiction of him as a selfish pilot flying into a swath of fighter drones, towards a giant battle ship, with reckless abandon for the sake of his own ambitions, when it could possibly get all of his friends killed. Heck, even though Keith probably wasn’t very high on Lance’s list of ‘ favourite people’, what , with their so- called rivalry, he still knew that the idiot would never really do anything to hurt him.

 

Switching the lights on in his room, Keith couldn’t help but sigh at the bareness of his walls. They had been living in the Caste for a while now, and while the rest of the team seemed to have slowly accumulated little trinkets from the various planets they had ended up visiting on their adventures, his still looked exactly as it had when they had arrived. With the exception of his red and white cropped jacket which lay on his bed, just as he had left it that morning.

 

This was exactly why he never allowed anyone to enter his room, not that anyone seemed to ever want to… except Lance… off course. He still remembers trying to ignore the incessant banging on his door, hoping against hope that he would just disappear, until finally opening the door wide enough to stick his head out and glare.

 

_‘ What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ He had said, practically hissing in annoyance._

 

_‘ Well….’ Lance had drawled, an insufferable smile gracing his face, ‘ we’ve all just about settled into the castle, and I wanted to check out what you’ve done with your room, ya know?’_

 

_Keith had not, in fact known. Was that was a thing that people did? Honestly, living out in the middle of know where hadn’t really prepared him for social interaction, not that he had been particularly social even before disappearing into the desert, but still._

 

_‘ Yeah. No. There is no way in hell, that you are stepping into my room. Ever.’_

 

_‘ Oh come on, mullet’ Lance had practically whined, his lips puckered up in a slight pout, which had honestly been kind of endearing, not that Keith would ever divulge that little piece of information to anyone._

 

_‘ Why are you even interested in my room? You never showed any interest before’ he had grumbled, crossing his hands over his chest, and leaning agains his door, using his body as a shield in order to prevent a very determined Lance, from peering over his shoulder and catching a glimpse of his room_

 

_‘ To scope out the competition off course! We are rivals, remember mullet?!’ He had said waving his hands dramatically whilst waggling his eyebrows in a way that had had Keith slamming the door in his face…._

 

_He had laughed for a good five minutes afterwards…._

 

The contrast between how Lance had been, what Keith had assumed him to be throughout their entire time together, and how he had appeared today, scared Keith. Blue’s willingness to let Keith enter, to allow him to see the other boy in his state of panic, indicated that this wasn’t really the first time Lance had been in such a state. Blue was clearly worried, and while Keith had agreed to not push Lance for answers, he had no intention of sitting still and waiting for him to deteriorate further. He was going to get to the bottom of this. He, Keith Kogane, was going to _attempt_ …. No. He _was_ going to help that boy.

 

One way of another.


	5. Chapter 5

Things had, unexpectedly remained the same; Pidge and Hunk who, while occasionally making comments at his expense, seemed to enjoy his presence for the most part; Coran still enlisted his help in cleaning around the ship, constantly sharing stories about all the wild adventures he had embarked on as a ‘ young lad’; Shiro and Allura treated him mostly the same, exasperated but still somewhat amused..? And then there was the source of his stress and anxiety , Keith. Though the other boy had promised not to divulge the true details of that little episode, Lance hadn’t been at ease fully convinced that he would wake up in the morning only to find everyone staring at him, like in every cliched high school bullying scene.

 

Keith had of course, done nothing of the sort, continuing to behave in his normal Keith-like fashion; always leaning against conveniently placed pillars, with his arms and feet crossed, taking in whatever madness was ensuing at any given point of time, only opening his mouth when absolutely necessarily. But as Lance observed Keith for any sign of possible confrontation, the more he starting picking up on things which hadn’t ever really caught his attention before.

 

For starters Keith, for all of his complaining, actually seemed to enjoy all the noise and banter that the rest of the crew engaged in on an almost daily basis; from Pidge and Hunk’s verbal sparring regarding the pros and cons of one principle or theory or another, to Coran and Allura’s debates on certain Altean practices. Throughout the week, Lance had caught the generally broody looking boy, actually sporting a slight smile, on multiple occasions. His gaze downright fond.

 

To be honest Lance had never even considered that Keith might actually enjoy their company… he knew that the other boy had a strong, almost brotherly bond with Shiro, that much had been made clear the night they had left earth, when they had all bumped into one another whilst trying to break the legendary missing pilot out. But, for the rest of them, Lance had always assumed that Keith, well… that Keith didn’t really care about the rest of them one way or another.

 

However, watching the other boy throughout the week, Lance noticed other small things that gave away the bonds of attachment that had clearly formed. The way way Keith would subtlyangle himself during the training simulations to cover Pidge’s blind spot, never failing to point out her bad habit afterwards. The way he would nod at Hunk at dinner, his eyes crinkled sjghlty at the end, both a subtle acknowledgement of a meal well made, and grateful thank you for his efforts. Little things like cleaning up the training centre - when he thought no one was there of course, or asking Allura about Altean practices, or…..

 

Or how he didn’t really sleep, wandering about the ship long after everyone had gone to bed. The first time he had spotted Keith was precisely two days after the incident. Lance, unable to get his brain to shut up and just stop torturing him with his own failures for long enough for sleep to take him,had spent hours tossing and turning until finally giving up on rest altogether and sneaking out his room.

 

He had assumed that he would be the only one idiotic enough to still be up that late, only to be proven wrong mere second later when a wild Keith suddenly emerged from the adjacent passageway, almost giving him a heart attack. After his heartbeat had regularised, Lance had realised that madman was jogging, actually JOGGING in the middle of the night! They all knew Keith was a bit obsessed with training, spending most of his free time in the training room running through the simulations over and over again. The others had simply called him a perfectionist, chalking up his extra practice to his desire to simply brush up his techniques. Lance had disagreed then, and watching Keith as hejogged across the Castle, going wherever his feet took him across the massive ship, Lance was convinced.

 

This wasn’t just plain old dedication or passion… this was obsession.

 

But it begged the question… why? Why was Keith Kogane, the pilot extraordinaire so desperate? What was pushing him, to spend his every waking moment training, running himself- quite literally- ragged?

 

And so Lance, who probably should have focused on unpacking his own emotional baggage, because god knew had his own problems, began to spend way to much time thinking about an idiot who still frowned way to much, still thought mullets were cool, still beat Lance in almost every training session, but who in his own odd way, worked to protect their team, or as he liked to think of them, their weird adopted space family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any errors in this chapter... I had no time to sit and edit it XD. But I hope you're enjoying reading this!


	6. Chapter 6

Keith’s POV

 

Ever since the incident Keith had been thinking of ways of approaching the other boy, wondering about the best route to take, the words to use in order to even broach the sensitive topic. Even though he was known for being blunt, he wasn’t an idiot, and had spent ungodly amounts of time running mental simulations, practicing certain lines and imagining how the scenes might play out.

 

The very first scenario had consisted of him simply cornering Lance one night after dinner, dragging him into an empty corridor, or into one of their rooms.. somewhere private where the two could speak freely. And simply saying something along the lines of, ‘ I kept my promise not to tell anyone, and I know I said I would push you, but I need to know. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk, because thats exactly what we’re going to do.’ Imaginary Lance punched him and walked out of the room….

 

‘ Ughhhh. Why are people so damn complicated’ he said out loud, running his hands through his hair in frustration, only to find himself more annoyed by how greasy and oily it felt.‘ Great, just great. When will we have enough time to have a proper shower?’

 

A soft ‘ hmm’ had him whipping his head around so quickly, he felt his neck snap painfully, and himself face to face with Lance, and he couldn’t help but wince remembering the punch he’d received from the version of the tall, beautiful cuban

 

‘ Someones grumpy’ the taller boy drawled, he lips twitching as he tried not to smile, resting his narrow hips ever so slightly against the doorframe, watching Keith… very closely.

 

‘ Had a bad day?’

 

‘ It's definitely taken a turn for the worse now that you’re here’ Keith shoots back.

 

Now the thing with Lance and Keith was that they “hated” - in air quotes- each other, and they tried their damned hardest to not get a long, much to everyones annoyance and exasperation. Of course they did truly differ from one another in a lot of ways, but at the end of the day Keith had always figured that their incessant bantering was just their nature way of interaction, bereft of any true animosity or dislike. At the end of the day Keith truly liked Lance, he was everything Keith wished he could be.

 

The other boy always seemed to know what to say. Sure he could be obnoxious at times, what with his constant need to flirt with anything that moved, though it had reduced after the little incident with Nyma. But when it counted Lance would find the right words, to lighten the mood, to put others at need, to comfort them when they needed it most. He was always talking about his family and his siblings, and his experience showed in that practical way he dealt with them. When Pidge had been pushing herself ragged in her desperation to find her brother and father, it had been Lance who had whispered in her ear and convinced her to step away from her tech long enough to actually sleep. The night Hunk had been reduced to a puddle of tears over a batch of failed experimental space goo cookies because of home sickness it had been Lance who had calmed him down with stories of Cuba and his own family….

 

Keith admired him… not that he would ever tell the other boy that directly.

 

Which is why, he noticed… he noticed how Lance’s face fell ever so slightly at his statement. It was only for a split second, and if his eyes hadn’t been focused on the latter’s face, he probably wouldn’t have noticed the subtle changes in his facial expression at all; the slight tightening of his mouth, the way his eyes went blank for a second, the way his hands sudden stilled for a moment, and his entire body seemed to radiate tension… until just as quickly as they had gathered, the clouds which had seemed so ready to explode mere moments ago, behind those cerulean eyes cleared and his body once again relaxed into his signature overconfident pose.

 

But that brief is all that Keith needed. The wheels in his head were churning.

 

What the hell.

That wasn’t normal, was it?

Lance wouldn’t normally get offended at something stupid like that… unless…

Lance thought what he had said could be true..?

Was that it? Did he consider it for a moment not as a joke, but as a statement, a truth?

 

‘ Hellooo, earth to Keith’ Lance’s voice broke through his little epiphany. Right, he still had to extricate himself from this little conversation, so that he could start unwrapping the enigma that Lance was turning out to be.

 

‘ Yeah yeah. Listen Lance, I’m kinda tired so I really can’t engage in any sort of work play with you today okay? I’m just gonna head back to my room for a shower and shut eye.’

 

With that Keith tuned on heel and hurried back to him room, practically running after turning the corner, leaving behind a very bewildered looking Lance.


	7. Chapter 7

Like a waif floating around dark empty spaces in the dark hours of the night Lance found himself once again wandering around the dim corridors of the Castle in the middle of the night, or what passed for night on the ship given that there was no natural way to differentiate between night and day; a simulation of a very planetary concept.

 

Simply allowing his feet to guide him, his mind wandered back to his very odd run in with Keith, if you could call intentionally approaching and striking up a conversation with the intent of eliciting some sort of reaction a ‘ run in’. You probably couldn’t… whatever.

 

Keith had been acting kinda weird all through dinner, his face scrunched up in a slight frown as he stared down at his space goo, as if it was particularly offensive that day before quickly removing himself from the room. Seeing that, it had been an almost obvious decision to follow the other boy. Slipping out of the dinning hall himself had proven to be ridiculously easy- given that no one even seemed to pay attention to what he was doing on a good day. He hadn’t really intended to even talk to Keith, but he had just looked so…. frustrated; his eyebrows scrunched up and his mouth pinched in a slight pout as he frowned and his hair.. Heh.. it was endearingly messy, rogue strands sticking out in odd angles where he had run his hands through them.

 

And so before his mind could keep up he had blurted out the first words that had popped into his head, with the intent of somehow baiting Keith into engaging in conversation, with the hope that it would get him out of whatever weird funk he was in. The plan had seemed to be working perfectly well, with Keith biting back, his words perhaps cutting deeper than he would probably know; the rational part of his brain knew not to take what Keith said at face value, knew that he was being snappy BECAUSE it was Lance, but that still hadn’t stopped him from involuntary flinching, because.. really what proof did he have that it wasn’t true? How did he know that Keith didn’t feel that his very presence was a pain to deal with, everyone else certainly made it seem that way sometimes, most of the time.

 

Even now when things were relatively calmer he was constantly reminded of his weaknesses every time they trained. He knew, god know he knew that he had ways to go but he was improving, and no one seemed to notice, he never ever heard any words of validation for shooting down a particularly sneaky drone, or when he successfully carried out a particularly difficult manoeuvre, it was like nothing he did mattered, at least nothing he did right. The moment he made a mistake however small, the dynamics would change dramatically going from mere indifference to downright cruel or harsh, somehow drudging out all the mistakes he had ever made.

 

Lane knew they probably didn’t mean to be that harsh. Tensions were high, they were all stressed and worried and they didn’t need Lance’ constantly making mistakes to add to the list of things that could probably get them killed, but just once, Lance wished they would see HIM.

 

‘ That’s probably impossible for someone like me right? Yeah… lets just focus on trying not to be totally dispensable Lance.’

 

On any other day he would probably never have said those thoughts out loud, outside the confines of his own room anyway, but he was just so tired and hurt…

 

‘Is that what you really think?’

 

That was not his voice, nope, that was not his voice. Shit was there an actual ghost on the ship! Was he going to die a gruesome bloody death? Or wait was the ship going to try and flush him out into space again? No no no… For all his problems Lance did not want to die, not yet anyway.Which is why his first instinct upon hearing the foreign voice to raise swing his right hand out in a very sloppy excuse for a punch, which was immediately stopped on its very sad path by a very sweaty Keith who simply caught his fist in his own hand, his grip annoyingly strong.

 

Oh right.

 

He wasn’t the only one with a bad habit of staying up and exploring the ship. Caught up in his own thoughts Lance had had forgotten about his unknowing comrade. His unknowing comrade who now not only knew about his night time activities but who had also heard him voice one of his most well hidden thoughts. Shit.

 

Why? Why did it have to be today, why did it have to be Keith? Why did this have to happen to him at all. He had been so careful. Heck even after Keith had seen his little breakdown in Blue he had been doing a pretty good job on pretending that it had only been a one off thing. But he had just been so hurt and tired after that days criticism that he had the mask slip, he had voiced those thoughts out loud outside the confines of his room and now look.

 

Keith’s face looked downright fierce, the expression he generally revered for particularly pesky Galra fighters, pouring water on any hope Lance had of escaping. There was no way he was going to be able to put off the conversation any longer.

 

Great…. Just great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for the really random update schedule but college is really kicking my butt right now. I need help :D   
> Anyway... as always I hope you enjoy the chapter. I didn't really have time to edit this so I apologise for any random grammatical or spelling errors you may find... =)


	8. Chapter 8

Lance was currently being dragged, quite forcefully through the ship by a very serious looking Keith. Despite his nightly activities, it turned out that Lance had, in fact, barely scratched the surface of what the Castle had to offer as Keith veered into an unknown set of corridors. They had been walking for what seemed like hours before Lance finally found his voice.

 

‘ Im not going to run away you know?’He said staring pointedly at his wrist which was currently enveloped by Keiths hands in an exceptionally tight grip his knuckles white with effort.

 

The other boy didn’t deign to reply, though he did loosen his death hold on Lance just a smidge, continuing to take them god knows where in absolute silence…well as silent as a giant ship actually can and honestly should be. He can’t help but remember the little crash course Coran had given them about ships and space during one of their earliest dinners together as a team. _‘ Now remember young Paladins. Out in space, when you’re on a ship silence is not a good thing, not good whatsoever. Because in most scenarios it means your machines aren’t working right, and that my friends would definitely lead to a sad sad death.’_ Just the thought of being stranded in space, just floating in the dark void unable to go back home makes Lance shudder, causing Keith to look back, justfor a second before he finally stops in front of a large, ornate door. Letting go of Lance’s hand long enough for him to push the door open before leading him inside.

 

The room looked… it looked perfectly ordinary honestly. There was a low table placed in the centre of the room, with brightly coloured cushions strewn across the carpeted floor and small stools and ottomans placed across the room. There were books piled in random corners of the room, some lay open on the table, along with an assortment of very familiar looking knives. Keith had clearly been spending a lot of time in this room, but before he could ask him about it, Keith pushed him down onto a cushion.

 

‘ Can you stop manhandling me!’ He couldn’t help but snap. ‘ I am not a child’.

 

Keith, who had sat himself down opposite me simply put his hands on the table and… nothing. He didn’t immediately start interrogating Lance like he had thought he would. Instead he put his head in his hands, and simply observed Lance, his eyes never leaving Lance’s own. It was unnerving, and probably part of whatever strategy Keith had come up with. And so waited…he waited for the questions, he waited for Keith to OPEN HIS MOUTH, to say anything but he didn’t and Lance… well he couldn’t take the silence anymore.

 

‘ Ugh. What are you doing Keith?’

 

‘ Observing you. Thinking. Why?’ Keith replied calmly.

 

‘ Why the hell would you drag me across the ship, to some random room, just to watch me sit and stew in my own thoughts? Is watching me squirm that much fun?’

 

‘ No. Watching you squirm is not fun. I didn’t drag you into this room for my own personal amusement. It brought you here for the same reason that I’m siting here patiently waiting for you talk because I just heard you call yourself freaking “ dispensable” as if you were a rag cloth that could just used and tossed out.’

 

‘ Thats not…’

 

‘Don’t even try to bluff your way out of this Lance. Tell me, did you really mean what you said back there?’ Keith adds, not giving me the opportunity to do, well... exactly that.

 

And so they sit in silence. But now Lance begins to feel the the anger is starting to rise.Who was Keith to drag him against his will, who was Keith to force him into some random room knowing that Lance wouldn’t be able to escape, who was Keith to corner him into talking about this…

 

‘ Well what would you do if I did, it IS true after all.’ He practically spits out in anger.’ Are you seriously telling me that you never once thought that the team could without me, that you guys didn’t contemplate how different things would be if someone, anyone else had been chosen by the Blue lion?’

 

Lance sees Keith open his mouth to say something, but he’s too angry now to stop and so the words keep rolling out his mouth, hot and fast and cruel, but every word true.

 

‘ I mean honestly. You’re, what did Iverson call you? Oh yeah “the best pilot of our generation”, Mr. Big-shot, who continued to be held up on the bloody pedestal even after washing out of the programme. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that you never scoffed at me as I made mistakes, that you never rolled your eyes as I fumbled my way through battles, that you didn’t wish that it had been someone else?’

 

‘But even if we forget about what you want. In terms of pure skill sets, I AM the most expendable. I can shoot yeah, but thats nothing special. Pidge and Hunk are tech geniuses, they’re important. Shiro has the skills and experience necessary to lead Voltron. Allura is the last Princess of Altea, the daughter of the dude who made the freaking Lions, and Coran knows more about this ship and Altean technology than practically anyone else in the universe, and then theres you…’ and he felt his threat bob painfully as he fought to keep his voice steady and his eyes clear of tears.

 

‘..you, who can fly through hundreds of fighter without breaking a sweat, you who can annihilate enemies with your sword, you… who remind me of everything I wanted to be, wished to be and am not..’

 

‘ Tell me Keith’ the other boy flinches ever so slightly as we make eye contact, ‘when you feel as useless and unwanted as I do, wouldn’t you consider yourself dispensable too?’

 

And as he finishes, Lance finally allows the tears he’s been holding back for so long fall.


	9. Chapter 9

Keith’s POV

 

Not for the first time in his life Keith really wished he knew how to deal with people better. He had known that confronting Lance would be emotionally charged, but nothing had really prepared him for not only what he’d learnt, let alone what he was now witnessing. Because moments after yelling at him the tears that Lance had clearly been keeping at bay were finallylet loose

 

Crying was never pretty at the best of times, and had always made Keith feel particularly uncomfortable namely because he had no idea how to comfort another human being. His inability to do so had never really bothered him before, he had never cared enough about anyone to want to try… but watching Lance as he rocked back and forth slightly, his shoulders curved inwards and he held himself, his body shaking with violent sobs, Keith felt his body move as if on autopilot; slowly crawling over to the crying boy so as not to startle him before wrapping his arms around his slim body and just holding him as he continued to sob, in silence.

 

——

 

Lance’s POV

 

His head hurt, and this wasn’t a baby ‘ aww it's not that bad’kinda headache, this was a full-blown ‘ can feel the blood pumping’ or as Hunk likes to phrase it ‘ theres a disco in my brain and I don’t know why’ kinda headache. Just great. To top that of, his head is currently pillowed on a very hard pillow…. A pillow which is for some goddamn reason moving…

 

Wait a second. Pillows don’t move though..

 

Lance shoots up, his pounding head momentarily forgotten in favour of taking in the human he had clearly been using as a human pillow, laying next to him. Keith’s hair had come undone sometime during the night, the stray stands framing his face as he slept, his face looked peaceful; the frown lines which seemed to perpetually grace his face were smoothed out. His entire body, which generally seemed tensed, ready to jump into action at any time was completely lax. Honestly, he looks so at peace that Lance almost doesn’t want to wake him up…. The key word being _almost_.

 

‘Oi! Wake up’ he whispers softly, shaking Keith lightly so as not to startle him. He still remembered the one time Pidge had tried to scare him awake as a prank. Yeah.. Lance really didn’t need anymore bruises to deal with. So he tried to be as gently as possible while trying to get Keith to open his stupid eyes.

 

‘Keith’

‘Keith’

Keeiiiitthhhh. Wake uppp’

 

‘ Hmmmmm’

‘ Keith, I swear if you don’t get up this second I’m going to sneak into your room and hide all your knives.’

 

Keith’s popped open.

 

‘ Seriously? The knives are what got your attention! What the hell dude.’

 

‘ Shut up’ he grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes ‘ at least I woke up.’

 

‘ Am I supposed to be grateful. I’m not the only who would nagged and teased if we were found together in some random room, in some equally random corner of the ship, alone… god knows we’ll never hear the end of it if they find out that we slept together..’

 

Wait a second, that sounded really weird. And from Keith’s face which was slowly starting to resemble a really, really ripe tomato, Lance wasn’t the only one who thought that.

‘ Wait! I mean lie together in a totally platonic manner, cause we’re platonic …. Yeah…definitely not engaging in the ‘devils tango’ thats clearly playing out in your brain… pervert. JEez.’

 

‘ I KNOW’

 

‘ GOOD’ he shot back, folding his hands as he looked everywhere but at Keith.

 

This couldn’t have gotten worse. Lance was already feeling like shit about all the yelling and tears that had gone down last night. Honestly, if he could, he would kick himself for not holding back. But he hadn’t. He had said everything that he had bottling in, well not everything, but he had definitely opened the can of worms. Now that he had finally vocalised his biggest insecurity to the very person responsible for it- not through any consciously effort on his part- though, he felt oddly light.Not like he was floating on cloud 9 or whatever, but his constant comparisons to Keith had been weighing him down for so long. He had suffered not only due to the constant pressure of ensuring that no one found out to keep those feelings internalised but also because of the constant self induced emotions bashing… he had tortured himself and hurt himself by constantly re- iterating that he wasn’t good enough, that he never would be good enough.

 

That hurt sure, but what hurt more was constantly having to bite his tongue to keep the words from flooding out. To hold back everything he was feeling in order to keep the stupid charade of being happy, and flirty and the jokester of the group, all the time. Even when all he wanted to do sometimes was stare out the window ( or what passed for one of the ship) and look out into space, thinking about his family. Sometimes all he wanted was to be sad and homesick and have to just have those feelings be acknowledged.

 

He was tired… he was tired of being afraid of being judged and abandoned. He was tired of being afraid of possibly being told that he was useless and unworthy… He was tired of his own cowardliness and honestly … how he had been treated.

 

The realisation floored him. And he found himself looking at Keith who no longer looked flustered but kept glancing furtively in Lance’s direction, trying to be subtle while clearly checking to make sure he was still okay. And it was those little concerned glances, which showed him how much Keith actually cared. They argued like there was no tomorrow, and Keith could act like a total ass sometimes, his stubbornness and lack of social skills often causing him to rub others the wrong way. But at the end of the day Keith would never do something to intentionally hurt him, and if he did somehow end up causing him pain, he would probably try and find a way to fix it. His brain immediately supplies him with an image of an awkward and uncomfortable looking Keith trying to mumble out an awkward, but sincere apology which has Lance smiling.

 

‘ Come on Mullet.’ He says standing up and walking towards the door. ‘ Let's get out of here.’

And then without looking back, because he really doesn't want to see Keith’s reaction he adds,

 

‘ And… thanks for last night.’


	10. Chapter 10

_‘ I’m useless Keith.’_

 

_‘Lance..’_

 

_‘ Didn’t you see how badly I messed up that manoeuvre, I practically shoved Green into the in flying fighters.’ He continued ‘ Off course they would be mad at me, I clearly cant do anything right…_

 

_‘ Lance..’_

 

_‘I should just have.’_

 

_‘LANCE. SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS.’ Keith yelled, dragging my face up and forcing me to look at him as he spoke._

 

_‘ You’re worth being loved and cared for Lance. You’re not a fuck up.. ‘_

 

_‘ But…’_

 

_‘No don’t even try to insist that you are because you are NOT. No matter what anyone says you are good at what you do. Are you the best pilot in the galaxy, no. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not a good, heck a great pilot Lance. You may not be the best sword fighter, or strategist or mechanic, but you have you’re own strengths. You’re a great shot, you pick up the slack when its needed and get shit done. You always have my back. But more importantly Lance you remind us of home, that we’re human. Your stupid jokes, and smiles and soft packs on the back… I cant speak for the others but for me, those things make my day infinitely better. They remind me thats its okay to be angry, frustrated or scared, because at the end of the day I have a family…not the one I was born with sure, but a family all the same.’_

 

_Looking into his eyes, Keith continued, ‘ So Lance… don’t sell your self short okay?’_

 

_———_

 

_They were lying on the floor next to one another staring up at the ceiling after a particularly tiring training session._

 

_‘ Lance.. you know… I never thought I would ever have friends before I met you guys. Everyone back on earth always looked at me like I was a wild animal in need of taming. I was a good pilot sure, but I wasn’t sociable or easy to around and I was just soo angry all the time… so honestly just having someone to talk to like this, other than Shiro off course, just feels… ‘_

 

_‘ Nice…’_

 

_———_

 

_‘ You know whats crazy Keith? That no one realises how shitty their words can make you feel. Like I get it.. I made a mistake but why… why can’t they be nicer about telling me where I went wrong? More than that why do my other flaws have to be dragged in every single time? I just..’_

 

_‘ Theres nothing wrong with you Lance’_

_——_

 

_‘ Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you dude… Except maybe your mullet.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short updates... college is still kicking my butt and will probably continue to do so for the rest of the month..  
> BUT thank you all for your lovely comments!!! reading them really cheers me up!


	11. Chapter 11

Keith’s POV

 

You know what was odd? In every scenario Keith had imagined, his little confrontation plan had always ended badly. Not for Lance, never for him. Somehow or the other his orchestrated show down would end with Lance better off. No, they would always end badly for Keith himself, with imaginary Lance going out of his way to avoid talking, or even being in the same room as Keith. He knew these simulations were his own creations, and that he could, in theory, change them at any time, he had never tried. Choosing instead to torture himself by watching Lance turn away from him over and over again….

 

Which is why when he had woken up in the morning to find Lance leaning over him, he had not only had a mini panic attack because the dude was waayyy to close, forcing him to notice a bunch of random details about his companion like the little the fact that Lance had freckles! _What the hell. How had he never noticed that before?_ That he had really wild bed head, which was honestly adorable. That his eyes… yeah no moving on. But almost immediately he had felt the dread pooling in his stomach, his heart bracing itself for the inevitable rejection. It never came… and it still hasn’t come over a week later. And Keith honestly doesn’t understand.

 

After thanking Keith, Lance had been silent the entire way back to the main hub of the ship simply nodding at him in farewell as he slipped into his room presumably to take a shower. But Keith hadn’t been able to get himself to tear his eyes away from his door, because that was it, that was going to be the last time Lance was ever going to look at him straight in the eyes. Sighing he had finally entered his pitiful bare room, wishing for once that he had tried to make it seem more like home, to imbibe it with some warmth as he slipped into his own shower and hardened his resolve to not let his disappointment show no matter what avoidance strategies Lance conceited because this had never been about him in the first place…

 

Yeah…. He really shouldn’t have worried so much, because like in all things Lance did, he managed to Keith completely by surprise once again when he knocked on his door an hour later, simply slipping past Keith and plonking himself down on his bed. Because why ever not. Clearly nobody had ever taught the due to ask and be polite like any normal, civilised human being. He didn’t say anything as he took in the bare walls, and bed and just the whole lack of anything personal in general… simply shrugging before inviting Keith to go to the training room to try out one of the partnered courses which Keith had never gotten around to testing because of the absence of well… a partner.

 

Since that that day the two of them had been spending most of their free time together, seeking each other out after training sessions or missions. They didn’t even have to talk, most of the time they had just sat quietly next to each other doing there own thing, but somehow it didn’t feel weird. The silence which would have previously felt thick and uncomfortable now was comforting, it was natural and Keith loved it.

 

Off course he liked talking to Lance to. Keith had always found the other boy quite funny, but he had never allowed himself to actually acknowledge his jokes, forcing himself to tamp down on his laughter in an effort to stay consistent with his ‘image’, which was ‘the stupidest thing ever’ as he had been soundly told by Lance the first time in he had allowed himself to actually laugh out loud in his presence, and sheepishly admitted that he did not in- fact hate Lance’s jokes.

 

And he felt himself change as the days went by. He wasn’t so snappy all the time, finding Lance’s eyes from across the room whenever he felt his composure slipping. He felt his muscles slowly relax, no longer tense in anticipation of being attacked or hurt at any point to time. He slowly allowed himself to smile more, to chuckle in front of the others at times, which still seemed to take them by surprise, though he still only really laughed with Lance when they were alone….

 

For once Keith understood what Shiro had been going on and on about back at the garrison when he said _‘ Making friends is going to be the best thing that happens to you Keith. When you find the people, or even just that one person with whom you can let loose and just be you; when you feel loved and cared for and wanted just by being in a room… thats the best feeling in the world…’_

 

And as he watched Lance try play the video game he and Pidge had picked up from the space mall, his face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to get past a particularly tricky level, Keith couldn’t help but smile, and hope that he felt the same way too.


	12. Chapter 12

_‘_ Duck duck DUCKKKKK’

‘ Guys I think im gonna hurl… all this spinning is not good for my systems…’

‘ Jeez hold it together Hunk. Give yellow a break’

 

——

Today had been a pretty good day. After receiving a distress signal in a relatively quiet star system Allura had created a wormhole right over the enemies location. The Galra hadn’t known what hit them. One second they were all alone just floating around chilling, when the lions had descended upon them, and well from then on it had been absolute chaos, but the best sort of chaos. The type that brings a smile to your face unconsciously because while the entire situation is ridiculous, the mayhem and madness is simultaneously refreshing, a break from the drudgery of the everyday…

 

Well, thats just what Lance thought. He sure had had fun. All of his manoeuvres had worked out successfully, no random blow outs, no yelling or screaming. But more than that, he and Keith were finally able to test out the little move they had been planning. It hd been a little wonky, but with a few tweaks he figured that all the residual kinks would be smoothed out. All in all… Lance would say he was feeling pretty darn happy.

 

‘ Yeah it was great..’

 

‘ But Lance, Keith what was that joint move that the two of you performed when those fighter came out?’

 

‘ Huh?’

 

‘ Didn’t you notice Hunk, when the mother ship launched the fighters these two geniuses over here’ Pidge said pointing to Lance and Keith who had somehow ended up standing next to each other after entering the common room, ‘ did this really subtle but NEW move, which we never practiced together’

 

‘ I was curious about that too guys.’ Shiro adds on

 

‘ Oh. Well.. you know..’

 

‘ I mean its great that the two of you are getting along now but these moves can be a bit risky when not properly coordinated with the entire team.’

 

Ah. There it was.

The inevitable little comment about how no matter what he did…

There would still always be problems…

He was…

 

Suddenly he felt a hand squeeze his own. It was Keith. The other boy was looking straight ahead staring ( more like glaring really ) back at Shiro and the rest of the team. He didn’t say a word, his eyes didn’t even move Lance’s way, but his hand, resting snugly against Lance’s own was a good reminder. A reminder of all their conversations. That he was my friend and he was there for me and.. that it was okay for him to say whatever the hell was on his mind because no matter what came out of Lance’s mouth, at the end of the day he would have at least one person to back him up; one person who he knew cared for him…

 

And so squeezing Keith’s hand back in silent acknowledgement and thanks, Lance didn’t try to shy away from his anger this time around. He allowed the thoughts he had been suppressing, the feelings of worthlessness which had been holding him captive for so long to finally flow through him.

 

Why? Why couldn’t they ever just accept something that he did as good? Why was he constantly the but of all the jokes? The recipient of all the frustration and rancour? Why was he constantly put down for mistakes which anyone could make? Was Lance just that unreliable, could they not just FOR ONCE, something like “ you did great bro!” Or “ we’re proud of you!”

 

Heck at this point a smile and no comment would be enough to satisfy Lance…

 

‘Thats it.’ He snapped

 

‘ That IS IT. I can’t take this any more. What is wrong with youpeople? What do you take me for, some kind of idiot. Like guys I know I can be goofy and flirty and god knows what else, but don’t you think you’re underestimating me a bit too much.’

 

‘ I got into the Galaxy Garrison same as the rest of you, except you guys’ he adds pointing at Coran and Allura, ‘ and while I will admit I am not as brilliant as the rest of you I am by no means an unintelligent individual incapable of making sound, rational decisions.’

 

‘ Lance thats not what…’

 

‘ I’m not done yet Shiro. For the longest time all of you and I mean ALL of you, have taken the liberty to point out some of my most glaring faults and weaknesses in the most derogatory and hurtful manner. I know you probably didn’t mean to, you probably didn’t even realise the effects your words were having..’

 

‘ Especially considering how well you hid them.’ Keith added softly.

 

‘ I know ’

 

‘ Because instead of confronting the rest of you about all the crap you were giving me I chose to take everything you said to heart. I internalised all those comments and hated myself for being so useless, for being so weak that you even had to say them in the first place.’

 

And as he looked at his team mates, all wearing various expressions of shock and shame and guilt… looking at them his team mates, his friends, his family, Lance finally realised that he should have done this so much sooner.

 

‘ But you know what. I did nothing wrong.’

 

And with that he walked out of the room… with Keith at his back, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do research papers exist ======((((( I'm sorry for short and rather sporadic updates... but until college decides to stop trying to drown me in work I think this is gonna be my life for a while...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long disappearance and rather sudden end to this fic. but my semester has been kind off insane, exams are coming up and I won't have much time to update this story, which is why I wanted to give some semblance of an ending to this fic.
> 
> I want you to know that I genuinely loved writing this story. The stuff that Lance was going through during the fic were in fact very reflective of a my own thought process and feelings while writing due to certain personal circumstances, so this fan fiction actually turned out to be both fun light writing with two of my favourite characters and one of my favourite ships but also very cathartic for me. 
> 
> Once again I wish I could guarantee that this story would be longer. Maybe I'll revisit it again at a later date when I have more time and expand on it. But currently this will mark the end of this story. Thank you all for leaving kudos and writing me such awesome comments I loved reading and responding to them. 
> 
> I will be posting a short epilogue soon.., hopefully. 
> 
> PS. in case anyone is curious I was listening to Imagine Dragons ' Origins' album on repeat while writing this fic XD

Keith’s POV

 

‘ Shit…’

‘I need to breathe…’

‘wait how does one breathe again ??!’

‘… Keith!!!’

 

Lance was freaking out. After his awesome little showdown he had somehow managed to walk purposefully out of the common room down the halls of the ship only to completely freak out once they had found a relatively isolated cubby hole. Keith couldn’t decide whether to hug and comfort the other boy or laugh at the ridiculousness… he decided to do both, grabbing onto Lance’s wrist gently guiding his body towards Keith’s own; wrapping his arms around the taller boy and holding him as he grinned into his hair.

 

‘ Keith… what..? Are you laughing right now! What the hell!’

 

‘Lance’

 

‘ I mean this is serious.. what if they all hate me now? Keith..’

 

‘LANCE’ Keith practically shouted into Lance’s ear whilst gently patting his back in the hope that it would help calm the other boy down. ‘You were absolutely brilliant. Stop freaking out okay. Jeez.’

 

‘ Yeah…?’ Sounding more hopeful though Keith could still discern the caution and uncertainty in Lance’s voice.

 

‘ Yeah Lance.’

‘You did good.’

 

And with those words Keith felt as Lance’s muscles slowly began to relax, as he allowed himself to lean into the embrace and rest his head on Keith’s shoulder, and bringing his arms up to circle around Keith’s own waist.

 

The two just stood there, in the dark, breathing together slowly with only the soft whirring of the ship keeping them company. Keith was sure that the others were probably over their shock and were either talking through what had just happened among themselves, or looking for the two boys by this time. He also knew that he should probably not be as comfortable as he was standing all alone in a dark little corner of the ship, hugging Lance, out of all people, but he was. He was really, really comfortable…

 

Lance POV

 

Okay… Okay… he was fine, everything was fine….

 

What the hell who was Lance trying to kid, he was not fine.

 

He had finally let out all the the stress and the anger and hurt that had been building up inside of him for months. The feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness which had driven him to panic attacks, which had caused one too many breakdowns in the middle of showers, or training sessions or anywhere really, finally being out in the open.

 

And while he hadbeen freaking out, it wasn’t because he regretted calling out his friends and the rest of teammates on their shit, and the assholes they had been, rather he was afraid of what that explosion of anger and emotions would mean for his future as a member of Voltron, what it would mean for them all as friends, whether they would apologise or see him as simply overreacting…..Somewhere through all that Keith had pulled him into a hug, gently patting his back and lulling him into a state of calm.

 

Huh. Weird

 

If someone had asked Lance at the start of this whole adventure to go and save the universe that by the end of it he would not only befriend Keith Kogane, that he would begin to actively seek him out, not to compete with him or antagonise him, but in search or comfort and companionship, that Keith would himself become so comfortable with him so as to actually engage in intimate physical contact, which Lance actually enjoyed, he would have called them crazy and walked away.

 

Hahha…. Yeah… he wasn’t walking away now though. In fact he was quiet content to stay there…

 

‘ Keith..?’

 

‘Hmmm’

 

‘ I think… I think that I actually kinda like you.’

 

‘ Well obviously you like me we’re friends…right?’

 

‘…..’

 

‘ Lance please tell me we’re at least friends otherwise this whole situation is going to seem ten times more awkward, not to mention I..’

 

He couldn’t help it, a giggle burst through Lance’s lips hearing Keith’s flustered attempts to exhaling himself.

 

‘ Yeah no you idiot, we’re friends all right but thats not what I mean when I say “ like”.’

 

At that he feels Keith pull away from him slightly, only to find him looking straight up at Lance an unreadable expression on his face.

 

Shit… shit had he messed up? Ugh Lance should have just kept his mouth shut, why did he have to go ahead and confess that he may or may not like the idiot in the romantic sense of the term, Keith probably hadn’t even considered him as anything more than a purely platonic friend. Someone really needed to save him from his own stupid mouth, before he got himself killed.

 

‘ Are you joking?’

 

Keith looked absolutely serious as he continued to stare straight into Lance’s goddamn soul with his violet eyes.

 

‘ Yeah’ he replied meekly ‘ I mean YEAH. I like you, as more than a friend. This probably seems random and it is because I don’t really think I realised that my feeling were anything more than platonic appreciation until 5 seconds ago.’ He saw Keith cock his eyebrow at that little detail, and decided to power on before the other boy decided to just leave him and walk away.

 

‘ What I am trying to say is that I felt comfortable with you. You made me remember that I am human and that I should continue to value myself regardless of the mistake I make. You valued me and my skills and while you would never hold back from criticising me, you would also ackowledge me willingly when I was right, you didn’t underestimate me, but rather challenged me to keep going and keep getting better.’

 

‘ I loved talking to you and listening to your dories about growing up in the desert. The day you finally opened up and confessed about you fears and insecurities I was honestly wary to happy because I felt like I had just unlocked this beautiful treasure trove, that was you, and had been given permission to explore.’

 

‘ I… Lance ’

‘ But you know what made me realise that I like you, the moment you walked out of that room with me without looking back and without a single doubt.’

 

…..

 

The silence was deafening. Keith was just looking at him with wide eyes, his body absolutely still, as if trying to break down everything Lance had just said require the utmost level of concentration and the slightest of movements could disrupt the entire process. And so Lance waited…and waited… and….

 

Until finally Keith opened his mouth.’ You’re an idiot.’

 

Well that was unexpected.

 

‘ What..!’Lance choked out , ‘ Keith…’

 

‘ Shut up. You’re an idiot. Did you decide to get all the emotionally taxing confrontations you had on your list done on the same day. Couldn’t you have waited a day or two, when shit had calmed down enough to actually enjoy each others company, to confess your undying love of whatever.’

 

‘ What are you…’

 

‘ What I am trying to say..’ Keith said with deliberate slowness his mouth twitching up into a smile as he slid his hand up to cup Lance’s cheek ‘is that you have shitty timing. but I like you too much so I’m going to let it slide.’

 

‘ You like me too..’ He mumbled softly

‘ hmhmm.’

 

‘ Holy shit….’

‘ Keith YOU LIKE ME.’

‘ We like each other.. holy..’

 

‘ Oh my god. SHUT UP you…’

**Author's Note:**

> This fic originally started off as a comedy... haha ... Its soo not a comedy anymore. But I am honestly having so much fun writing this so I really hope you guys enjoy reading it too!!! As always let me know what you think in the comments. Kudos are very much appreciated!


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